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I remember exactly where I was when I first heard about the shooting rampage at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado, on April 20, 1999. I was at the South Metro Denver Chamber of Commerce office about 5 miles away from the school. The vision of that moment in that office is permanently etched in my mind.

I remember later that day, at home watching it unfold on TV, tears streaming, fists clenched, willing time to go faster so I could meet my 12-year-old daughter at the bus stop. I remember the frantic need to hold onto her and never let her go - anywhere, ever.

I remember feeling the weight of the collective shock and grief of my hometown, and how I could feel it spread across Colorado, the nation, and around the planet.

There are a lot of memories I can recall, but just recollection is not the purpose of this post. The biggest memory is how desperate I was to find some sense of compassion for the two boys who forever changed our sense of safety and security in our schools.

I know this is extremely controversial and carries a gigantic emotional charge for many. I respect however you choose to feel about this event. Whatever this post brings up for you is valid because it is part of who you are. What I won’t do is debate or defend my desire to explore and understand compassion.

To me, choosing love and choosing compassion is choosing to see the spark of the Divine in EVERYONE. Choosing compassion neither condones nor condemns. Compassion is by no means justification for reprehensible or abhorrent behavior. Compassion is not a moral judgment. It’s not wound tightly together with good/bad and right/wrong labels.

To me, Compassion is the unconditional acknowledgment that we are all doing the best we can with the skills, tools and awareness we have in the moment. This definition allows for unlimited growth - our “best” can be better tomorrow because of what we learn from our choices today.

And Compassion can often be a very difficult state to achieve, especially within the context of an unfathomably traumatic event such as this.

So today, on the eve of the 10-year anniversary of the Columbine shootings, I Choose Love. I Choose Compassion. To all of us affected by the events of that day 10 years ago, including the global ripple effect it has had in countless ways, my wish is for Peace in our hearts and in our minds. My wish for us is to have a greater awareness of our fears, and a clear path in front of us toward greater Compassion.

So many recipes are handed down lovingly from generation to generation. Some become steadfast traditions, comforting us in our times of sorrow, and lifting us up in joy. Others carry with them years of sweet memories and stories that allow us a glimpse into the hearts of those that have come before us.

There’s one toxic recipe, however, that’s been unconsciously handed down throughout all of our families, probably with very few exceptions. It’s left a legacy of strife, conflict, depression, anger and discord.

Mmmm, sounds yummy, doesn’t it? Want to know what this recipe makes?

It’s the recipe for drama.

I came up with this for a staff development program I do for companies and corporations. It’s a bit tongue-in-cheek, and usually gets lots of laughs. Unfortunately it’s the laughter that comes from seeing ourselves all too clearly - it hits pretty close to home.

But that’s okay because we need to take the time to take an honest look at what we want to change. And if we get a bit of a chuckle out of it, all the better!

Ready? Here it is:

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Laurie’s Not-So-Favorite Recipe for Drama

1. Combine old, de-constructive beliefs with 1 Large Assumption
2. Add a pinch of Taking it Personally
3. Rapidly add 4 or 5 accusations
4. Blend generous amounts of blame and negative thoughts and add to the mixture.
5. As Drama begins to heat up, respond to all counterattacks with more flammable words
6. Continue to add fuel by loudly defending your position
7. Toss vigorously – substantial amounts of anger will magically appear
8. No stove or oven needed – Drama generates heat all by itself.

CAUTION: Do NOT honor the other person’s viewpoint, ask any clear, honest questions, take any responsibility for your words and actions, or make any collaborative suggestions – this will diffuse the heat, the Drama will stop cooking, and the anger will dissipate.

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Is this your family’s favorite recipe, too, without even knowing it?

Does this recipe show up at company picnics and church potlucks?

Does this awareness help you stir up some Compassion instead?

Are you ready to bake up some Understanding topped with Empathy?

Want to create and consume something other than Drama?

Then get cookin’!

My first major exposure to the concept of compassion was when I began exploring Buddhism. I took an introductory class at a Buddhism center here in Denver about 7 years ago. And my best friend Scott gave me a book called “Bones of the Master”. Increasingly intrigued, I started reading more books written about Buddhism and the Dalai Lama, and books written by the Dalai Lama - he’s a prolific writer!

And he’s become my idol - or at least my most inspiring role model for the true power of how compassion can change lives.

I loved a documentary that I saw recently on his life. It’s titled 10 Questions for the Dalai Lama, here’s the link: http://www.thedalailamamovie.com/

It was a fascinating and comprehensive look at this “humble monk’s” life.

What continues to blow me away about his life is that he was forced out of his own country when I was 1 year old. He has been living in exile for almost MY ENTIRE LIFE!

And yet he still has compassion for the Chinese government. THAT’S the most powerful role model I know of to follow and emulate in my daily life.

So I’m intrigued about the latest development in the Chinese occupation of Tibet. After over half a century of fear-driven brutality, Chinese government officials have agreed to be in a conversation with envoys of the Dalai Lama.

This reinforces my sense that we - the Global WE - are in a time of accelerated change; of “Waking Up” at an increasingly exponential rate.

Will this situation change overnight? Heavens, no! Any expectations that the Chinese government will now fling the door open wide and allow Tibetans autonomy will only result in frustration and anger. (Remember that the Second Noble Truth of Buddhism states that resistance and attachment is the cause of all suffering.)

But does this small opening to new possibilities give me hope that we’re moving in the right direction? You betcha!

Although I don’t consider myself a practicing Buddhist, I do appreciate the philosophies and teachings of loving kindness and compassion. And I DO believe that compassion is THE PRIMARY INGREDIENT of a full, vibrant life.

So the Dalai Lama is truly my “Tibetan Idol.” If he can choose to feel compassion for the Chinese government day after day, year after year, decade after decade, I can choose love and compassion in my own small way. And I can be out in the world talking about it and writing about it - like in my blog.

If he can enter into conversation with the Chinese government with the intent of a peaceful outcome, then I can enter into conversations with people in my life who challenge my resistance and attachments, too.

So I will continue to do all that I can to choose love and compassion every day in my own life, and to help businesses and individuals create a sustainable culture of compassion in the office, at home, and in the world.

(And here’s my promotional plug - if you want more loving kindness and compassion in your relationships and in your life too, call me!)