todayichooselove.com

I went hiking today. My friend Owen and I hiked the West Chicago Creek trail in the Mt. Evans Wilderness Area about an hour west of Denver. We chose a comfortable pace and covered about five miles in a little over 6 hours, with lots of stops. This is not unusual for me because I love to hike, and I generally prefer a bit more of a leisurely, stop-and-look-at-the-flowers pace.

It was a trail that I hadn’t been on yet, which is always fun, too. And he picked me up at 4:30 this morning - which is a bit of a stretch for me - but it definitely made sense to get up there before too many of the rest of the city folk got into the mountains on a holiday weekend.

What WAS unusual about this adventure was that we chose to do the entire hike without speaking. From the time we hit the trailhead to the time we got back to the car, not one word. For over SIX HOURS.

For the entire hike, we didn’t say a word either to each other or to the people we passed on the trail. (Waving and smiling was still a friendly, acceptable greeting.)

Now, for those of you who’ve met me, you’re probably chuckling in total disbelief that I could be with a fun and interesting friend for that long without saying a word. For heaven’s sake, I’m a coach, trainer, author and speaker. “Words” is what I do!

Owen suggested the challenge after a conversation we had last weekend about all the chatter going on in our heads, our dependence on words, and how I sometimes feel a longing to just let go of all the words. When he suggested this experiment of a totally silent hike, my first response was: “Okay!”

Yes, my second thought was: “Oh, who am I kidding?!”, but I chose to let that one go and stick with “Okay!”

And very much to my delight, our experiment today was a beautiful success.

Without words getting in the way, I heard the birds and squirrels more distinctly than I usually do. I heard the wind as it sang through the trees and across the valley. I heard the way my footfall sounded different on different parts of the trail: very loud and crunchy on the dry gravel; kind of muffled and “thud-y” on the large rocks and the small boulders; and in the places where the trail was wetter and shadier, it actually sounded a bit hollow under my boots, like there might be some secret place hidden beneath the compacted dirt.

I also heard my heart pounding - loudly! - when we stopped to catch our breath on the steep switchbacks. I also heard the conversation and chatter of those we passed on the trail, and was grateful that we had made a different choice.

I also heard all the things in my head that I wanted to talk with Owen about along the trail - things I wanted to share, questions I wanted to ask - all the things that usually pop into my head then come out my mouth.

Then I found great joy in letting them all go unsaid and unasked. What a surprise, and definitely a treat! And we both found it amusing (laughing out loud was acceptable) to try to communicate with each other charades-style by pointing and gesturing to indicate that one of us wanted to stop for a snack, or go a different way, or sit down and rest. All in all, it was a truly eye-, ear-, and heart-opening way to spend the day.

This evening, in thinking back on the day, I realized that this experience was an exercise in choosing love. It felt loving to unconditionally accept Owen’s challenge, because it was important to him to try it, and I was honored that he asked me to share the experience with him. It felt loving to give myself permission to go WAY out of my comfort zone. It felt loving be out in the wilderness more fully present than I have been before. I felt that I chose love when I chose to BE with another human being in a way that challenged and transcended my typical reliance on words.

Don’t get me wrong - I still love to talk to people, and I’m not giving it up. And I will continue to love my work as a coach, a trainer, and a speaker. At the same time, my capacity for communicating at different levels with others has now been expanded, and that’s exciting for me - thank you for this wonderful gift, Owen!

Here’s my “Today I Choose Love” Challenge for you - stay open to the unique opportunities in your life to step up and say, “OKAY!” Give yourself permission to stretch your comfort zones. BE present, listen, and just say…Nothing!

I don’t know if it’s my Myers-Briggs or 360 or DiSC profile, astrological sign, genetic makeup or cultural conditioning, but I have a hard time with the nose-to-the-grindstone, focus-on-the-goal structure common in contemporary business management advice.

All the business books - as well as the information I teach to my students at Coach Training Alliance - talk about the importance of a well thought-out strategic plan to ensure business success. There are 1-year plans, 5-year plans, weekly strategies, and daily goals that are all supposed to be laid out and followed, or else profit and sustainability will remain elusive.

“Plan the work and work the plan.”

And when these goals, action plans and strategies are followed systematically - voilà! A profitable business!

I get all that. I understand the value and importance of the plans and the strategies. I really do. And I still struggle with it. My challenge is that I seem to get caught up way too frequently in the "head stuff" of my plans - how I can make it work, make it happen, make it do something! I assume that if I think about it all hard enough, I’ll get some brilliant answer - the TRUTH of how I’m supposed to do what I’m here to do.

That’s when the anxiety would creep in and I’d begin pacing around my office and my home. Then I’d try to solve the “problem” of being distracted! For years it’s felt like a vicious cycle, and I’d end up in what I call “overwhelm-induced inertia.”

Since inertia isn’t a very good business-building strategy either, I recently decided to try a new approach. Whenever I found myself pacing and trying to fight the anxiety, I would ask my Spirit/Higher Self what I needed most in that moment.

The most consistent answer? “GO LIE DOWN!”

At first, this sounded a bit odd. It seemed less like divinely inspired guidance and more like another avoidance strategy. But what I found out was that when I followed that guidance, it got me out of my head - the arrogance of my ego thinking it could actually figure it all out - and allowed the wisdom in my Heart to be heard.

It was as if my head got so clogged up with all the possibilities and ideas - albeit extremely creative ideas - it was all about me trying to MAKE something happen. And forcing success is really exhausting!

When I went to lie down - on my bed, on the floor, on the couch - I was pleasantly surprised: I relaxed. I emptied my mind and I opened my heart. It was then that the real HOW of my work started becoming clearer. My most important actions and tasks would come to the surface, and the next step would make a lot of sense.

So I’ve moved past the perception that it’s weird, and now I follow the guidance I receive. Sometimes I lie down for 5 minutes, or 30 minutes, or sometimes an hour. Sometimes it’s just once during a day, sometimes it’s 5 or 6 times that I stop what I’m doing and go lie down. (I even got stuck while writing this article and had to go lie down for a few minutes!)

And what I’m discovering is that after lying down (or sometimes sitting in a chair) and opening my heart to the next step, I’m actually a lot more focused and productive than I was when I used to spend that same amount of time anxiously trying to make my brain think harder.

What does this have to do with choosing love today - the purpose of this blog? Well, I know that my pacing and anxiety comes from fear. My head thinks that if I don’t figure it out, I’ll fail, go bankrupt, yada, yada, yada. Conversely, when I choose to listen to my Higher Wisdom, I’m definitely choosing Love. I feel that I’m co-creating my business strategies with the Universe - a nice business partner to have.

When I trust that I’m headed in the right direction to fulfill my purpose and my calling, and that I don’t have to know all the specifics right now about HOW I’m going to get there, I know I’m definitely choosing Love.

And it’s not that weird after all. My friend and colleague, Drayton Boylston, owner of the Rescue Institute and the author of Coming UnScrooged! A Contemporary Classic of Corporate Rescue & Redemption, shared with me a while back that he coaches his executive clients to spend some time every day being quiet and reflecting. And an increasing number of companies are starting to provide space for people to nap or meditate in the middle of the work day as a way to increase productivity.

So there it is - my new business strategy. I encourage you to try it - Choose Love & GO LIE DOWN!

Just a quick reframe (which is what we coaches do!):

A little while back, I was reading an article about financial success. The author, like pretty much every other financial "expert" out there, had the same piece of advice as the rest:

"Don’t spend more than you make!"

I’ve always felt really icky when I’ve read that or heard that.

First off, I really don’t like anyone telling me what I CAN’T do. When that happens, my inner petulant child usually leaps up in defiance and cries, "You’re not the boss of me!"

After that initial reaction, I also realized that this approach to money felt WAY too small, limiting, restrictive and even a bit claustrophobic. It was as if someone had lowered the money roof to just above my head and declared: "You should NEVER spend more than… (fill in the blank with whatever my current income is).

Then I had a "reframe flash": Right then and there I decided that I wanted to focus on something different; something more positive. I decided that I will:

MAKE MORE MONEY THAN I WANT TO SPEND!

All of a sudden, I felt liberated - like I had the power to raise the roof to whatever height I wanted it to be.

Now, instead of feeling limited by my income: "I can’t afford that", I ask myself a different question: "How can I make the money I need so I can do what I’m here to do?"

Now, I’m not just raising the roof, I’m blowing it off the top of the house! And frankly, that feels much better.