todayichooselove.com

I went hiking today. My friend Owen and I hiked the West Chicago Creek trail in the Mt. Evans Wilderness Area about an hour west of Denver. We chose a comfortable pace and covered about five miles in a little over 6 hours, with lots of stops. This is not unusual for me because I love to hike, and I generally prefer a bit more of a leisurely, stop-and-look-at-the-flowers pace.

It was a trail that I hadn’t been on yet, which is always fun, too. And he picked me up at 4:30 this morning - which is a bit of a stretch for me - but it definitely made sense to get up there before too many of the rest of the city folk got into the mountains on a holiday weekend.

What WAS unusual about this adventure was that we chose to do the entire hike without speaking. From the time we hit the trailhead to the time we got back to the car, not one word. For over SIX HOURS.

For the entire hike, we didn’t say a word either to each other or to the people we passed on the trail. (Waving and smiling was still a friendly, acceptable greeting.)

Now, for those of you who’ve met me, you’re probably chuckling in total disbelief that I could be with a fun and interesting friend for that long without saying a word. For heaven’s sake, I’m a coach, trainer, author and speaker. “Words” is what I do!

Owen suggested the challenge after a conversation we had last weekend about all the chatter going on in our heads, our dependence on words, and how I sometimes feel a longing to just let go of all the words. When he suggested this experiment of a totally silent hike, my first response was: “Okay!”

Yes, my second thought was: “Oh, who am I kidding?!”, but I chose to let that one go and stick with “Okay!”

And very much to my delight, our experiment today was a beautiful success.

Without words getting in the way, I heard the birds and squirrels more distinctly than I usually do. I heard the wind as it sang through the trees and across the valley. I heard the way my footfall sounded different on different parts of the trail: very loud and crunchy on the dry gravel; kind of muffled and “thud-y” on the large rocks and the small boulders; and in the places where the trail was wetter and shadier, it actually sounded a bit hollow under my boots, like there might be some secret place hidden beneath the compacted dirt.

I also heard my heart pounding - loudly! - when we stopped to catch our breath on the steep switchbacks. I also heard the conversation and chatter of those we passed on the trail, and was grateful that we had made a different choice.

I also heard all the things in my head that I wanted to talk with Owen about along the trail - things I wanted to share, questions I wanted to ask - all the things that usually pop into my head then come out my mouth.

Then I found great joy in letting them all go unsaid and unasked. What a surprise, and definitely a treat! And we both found it amusing (laughing out loud was acceptable) to try to communicate with each other charades-style by pointing and gesturing to indicate that one of us wanted to stop for a snack, or go a different way, or sit down and rest. All in all, it was a truly eye-, ear-, and heart-opening way to spend the day.

This evening, in thinking back on the day, I realized that this experience was an exercise in choosing love. It felt loving to unconditionally accept Owen’s challenge, because it was important to him to try it, and I was honored that he asked me to share the experience with him. It felt loving to give myself permission to go WAY out of my comfort zone. It felt loving be out in the wilderness more fully present than I have been before. I felt that I chose love when I chose to BE with another human being in a way that challenged and transcended my typical reliance on words.

Don’t get me wrong - I still love to talk to people, and I’m not giving it up. And I will continue to love my work as a coach, a trainer, and a speaker. At the same time, my capacity for communicating at different levels with others has now been expanded, and that’s exciting for me - thank you for this wonderful gift, Owen!

Here’s my “Today I Choose Love” Challenge for you - stay open to the unique opportunities in your life to step up and say, “OKAY!” Give yourself permission to stretch your comfort zones. BE present, listen, and just say…Nothing!

I don’t know if it’s my Myers-Briggs or 360 or DiSC profile, astrological sign, genetic makeup or cultural conditioning, but I have a hard time with the nose-to-the-grindstone, focus-on-the-goal structure common in contemporary business management advice.

All the business books - as well as the information I teach to my students at Coach Training Alliance - talk about the importance of a well thought-out strategic plan to ensure business success. There are 1-year plans, 5-year plans, weekly strategies, and daily goals that are all supposed to be laid out and followed, or else profit and sustainability will remain elusive.

“Plan the work and work the plan.”

And when these goals, action plans and strategies are followed systematically - voilà! A profitable business!

I get all that. I understand the value and importance of the plans and the strategies. I really do. And I still struggle with it. My challenge is that I seem to get caught up way too frequently in the "head stuff" of my plans - how I can make it work, make it happen, make it do something! I assume that if I think about it all hard enough, I’ll get some brilliant answer - the TRUTH of how I’m supposed to do what I’m here to do.

That’s when the anxiety would creep in and I’d begin pacing around my office and my home. Then I’d try to solve the “problem” of being distracted! For years it’s felt like a vicious cycle, and I’d end up in what I call “overwhelm-induced inertia.”

Since inertia isn’t a very good business-building strategy either, I recently decided to try a new approach. Whenever I found myself pacing and trying to fight the anxiety, I would ask my Spirit/Higher Self what I needed most in that moment.

The most consistent answer? “GO LIE DOWN!”

At first, this sounded a bit odd. It seemed less like divinely inspired guidance and more like another avoidance strategy. But what I found out was that when I followed that guidance, it got me out of my head - the arrogance of my ego thinking it could actually figure it all out - and allowed the wisdom in my Heart to be heard.

It was as if my head got so clogged up with all the possibilities and ideas - albeit extremely creative ideas - it was all about me trying to MAKE something happen. And forcing success is really exhausting!

When I went to lie down - on my bed, on the floor, on the couch - I was pleasantly surprised: I relaxed. I emptied my mind and I opened my heart. It was then that the real HOW of my work started becoming clearer. My most important actions and tasks would come to the surface, and the next step would make a lot of sense.

So I’ve moved past the perception that it’s weird, and now I follow the guidance I receive. Sometimes I lie down for 5 minutes, or 30 minutes, or sometimes an hour. Sometimes it’s just once during a day, sometimes it’s 5 or 6 times that I stop what I’m doing and go lie down. (I even got stuck while writing this article and had to go lie down for a few minutes!)

And what I’m discovering is that after lying down (or sometimes sitting in a chair) and opening my heart to the next step, I’m actually a lot more focused and productive than I was when I used to spend that same amount of time anxiously trying to make my brain think harder.

What does this have to do with choosing love today - the purpose of this blog? Well, I know that my pacing and anxiety comes from fear. My head thinks that if I don’t figure it out, I’ll fail, go bankrupt, yada, yada, yada. Conversely, when I choose to listen to my Higher Wisdom, I’m definitely choosing Love. I feel that I’m co-creating my business strategies with the Universe - a nice business partner to have.

When I trust that I’m headed in the right direction to fulfill my purpose and my calling, and that I don’t have to know all the specifics right now about HOW I’m going to get there, I know I’m definitely choosing Love.

And it’s not that weird after all. My friend and colleague, Drayton Boylston, owner of the Rescue Institute and the author of Coming UnScrooged! A Contemporary Classic of Corporate Rescue & Redemption, shared with me a while back that he coaches his executive clients to spend some time every day being quiet and reflecting. And an increasing number of companies are starting to provide space for people to nap or meditate in the middle of the work day as a way to increase productivity.

So there it is - my new business strategy. I encourage you to try it - Choose Love & GO LIE DOWN!

From a small article in this morning’s Rocky Mountain News:

Wendy Portillo, a kindergarten teacher in Port St. Lucie, Florida, has been removed from her classroom because she allowed the class to “vote out” Alex, a 5-year-old boy, because of his behavioral problems. His mother said he is currently being tested for Asperger’s Disease, a type of high-functioning autism.

Each classmate was allowed to say what they didn’t like about him, then they took a 14-2 vote to oust him from the class.

I have to say that this kind of story really tests my ability to be a Compassionate Observer. I had a wide range of initial reactions. I wanted to rail at Wendy Portillo. I wanted to shake her and ask her, “What on earth were you thinking???” I wanted to scream at her insensitivity. I wanted to vote her off the planet!

Once I took a deep breath, though, my secondary reactions were different.

I sent Wendy Portillo much softer energy, hoping that this will be an opportunity for her to wake up a little bit - or a lot - more. I hope this opens her up to more compassion. I hope she gains some clarity about whatever fears she’s carrying that clouded her judgment and somehow made this kind of behavior acceptable in her mind.

I sent loving thoughts to the boy’s mother. I hope she does not use this to help Alex to become a victim. I hope she assists him in using this opportunity to find his unique own path through his life.

I sent Alex’s classmates lots of compassionate energy, with the hope that they will somehow see that this is definitely NOT how you treat ANYONE. I hope their parents will help them develop empathy - to try to understand what it would have felt like if they were Alex in that situation.

And I sent Alex lots of loving energy. My hope for him is that this experience helps him discover and develop his inner strength. I hope it helps him to be the kind of person he would have liked his teacher and classmates to have been. I hope his heart stays open, and his thoughts remain gentle for himself and for others. I hope his light continues to shine more brightly every day.

Just a quick reframe (which is what we coaches do!):

A little while back, I was reading an article about financial success. The author, like pretty much every other financial "expert" out there, had the same piece of advice as the rest:

"Don’t spend more than you make!"

I’ve always felt really icky when I’ve read that or heard that.

First off, I really don’t like anyone telling me what I CAN’T do. When that happens, my inner petulant child usually leaps up in defiance and cries, "You’re not the boss of me!"

After that initial reaction, I also realized that this approach to money felt WAY too small, limiting, restrictive and even a bit claustrophobic. It was as if someone had lowered the money roof to just above my head and declared: "You should NEVER spend more than… (fill in the blank with whatever my current income is).

Then I had a "reframe flash": Right then and there I decided that I wanted to focus on something different; something more positive. I decided that I will:

MAKE MORE MONEY THAN I WANT TO SPEND!

All of a sudden, I felt liberated - like I had the power to raise the roof to whatever height I wanted it to be.

Now, instead of feeling limited by my income: "I can’t afford that", I ask myself a different question: "How can I make the money I need so I can do what I’m here to do?"

Now, I’m not just raising the roof, I’m blowing it off the top of the house! And frankly, that feels much better.

My first major exposure to the concept of compassion was when I began exploring Buddhism. I took an introductory class at a Buddhism center here in Denver about 7 years ago. And my best friend Scott gave me a book called “Bones of the Master”. Increasingly intrigued, I started reading more books written about Buddhism and the Dalai Lama, and books written by the Dalai Lama - he’s a prolific writer!

And he’s become my idol - or at least my most inspiring role model for the true power of how compassion can change lives.

I loved a documentary that I saw recently on his life. It’s titled 10 Questions for the Dalai Lama, here’s the link: http://www.thedalailamamovie.com/

It was a fascinating and comprehensive look at this “humble monk’s” life.

What continues to blow me away about his life is that he was forced out of his own country when I was 1 year old. He has been living in exile for almost MY ENTIRE LIFE!

And yet he still has compassion for the Chinese government. THAT’S the most powerful role model I know of to follow and emulate in my daily life.

So I’m intrigued about the latest development in the Chinese occupation of Tibet. After over half a century of fear-driven brutality, Chinese government officials have agreed to be in a conversation with envoys of the Dalai Lama.

This reinforces my sense that we - the Global WE - are in a time of accelerated change; of “Waking Up” at an increasingly exponential rate.

Will this situation change overnight? Heavens, no! Any expectations that the Chinese government will now fling the door open wide and allow Tibetans autonomy will only result in frustration and anger. (Remember that the Second Noble Truth of Buddhism states that resistance and attachment is the cause of all suffering.)

But does this small opening to new possibilities give me hope that we’re moving in the right direction? You betcha!

Although I don’t consider myself a practicing Buddhist, I do appreciate the philosophies and teachings of loving kindness and compassion. And I DO believe that compassion is THE PRIMARY INGREDIENT of a full, vibrant life.

So the Dalai Lama is truly my “Tibetan Idol.” If he can choose to feel compassion for the Chinese government day after day, year after year, decade after decade, I can choose love and compassion in my own small way. And I can be out in the world talking about it and writing about it - like in my blog.

If he can enter into conversation with the Chinese government with the intent of a peaceful outcome, then I can enter into conversations with people in my life who challenge my resistance and attachments, too.

So I will continue to do all that I can to choose love and compassion every day in my own life, and to help businesses and individuals create a sustainable culture of compassion in the office, at home, and in the world.

(And here’s my promotional plug - if you want more loving kindness and compassion in your relationships and in your life too, call me!)

“Wake Up Your Relationships ~ Transform Your Life ~ Heal the World”

This is the tagline that I’ve chosen for this site and for my work.

When I was at a networking event recently, I had a postcard with this on it. More than a couple people read it and replied, “Wow, that’s deep.” And a few days after that, someone else responded, “Heal the World? Yah, right. That’ll never happen.”

I started wondering if this intention of mine is being perceived as just one more example of 60s-style hippie-talk, or maybe as slick marketing hype.

Then I realized it really doesn’t matter to me what other people think about it! I already figured out that I can’t please everyone - or the other side of that: not everybody is going to like me, or agree with what I’m here to say and do.

And even though a tagline is a specific element of a marketing plan, this one also happens to be what I truly believe and am committed to working towards.

Healing the world actually does feel to me like a perfectly natural outcome of people “waking up” their relationships. (I define “Waking Up” as choosing more loving compassionate thoughts, words and actions today than you did yesterday).

I also believe we’re at a crossroads right now. I believe we’re being called to RADICALLY change the way we relate to each other. I know we can’t continue reinforcing a culture - local or global - where our relationships are based on fear, violence, blame, victim, drama, competition, intolerance, or general nastiness. This has got to change, or we’re not going to make it - perhaps at all.

And I honestly believe that it IS changing.

I know it. I feel it. And many people I know all over the world are reporting that they have the same feeling, the same knowing.

I do think we’re waking up - as individuals and as a collective, global consciousness. I think it’s been happening for a long time - generations perhaps. Maybe it’s been happening as long as we humans have inhabited this planet.

Peace. Love. Goodwill. Compassion. It’s not marketing hype. It’s not a rose-colored-glasses view of the world. It’s not hippie-hype. At least not for me.

So, is “Healing the World” really possible? I don’t know. What I DO know is that my contribution to helping us move in that direction is to put one foot in front of the other, and do the best I can to choose more loving thoughts, words and actions today than I did yesterday.

I’m willing to give it a go and see what happens - are you?

Today I had the privilege of participating in a discussion about conscious relationships from a man’s perspective. It was facilitated by two of the most conscious, loving, honest men I know: Chet Sisk, and Tom LaRotanda.

What a joy it was to witness how they graciously showed up in all their humanness. They shared their wisdom and their confusion; their questions and their answers; their confidence and their vulnerabilities; what they’ve learned and what they still don’t know.

I estimate that there were about 40 people there - still more women than men, as is typical for this kind of discussion, but the men who were there were awesome. (So were the women!) As you can imagine, there was a lot of lively discussion, and it was great fun to be in that buzz.

There were lots of great tidbits that I took away - fodder for some great articles in the future. I want to share a few of these nuggets with you here.  Some of these were shared by Tom or by Chet, and some of these are my own thoughts during the conversation:

• Being "conscious" is about being present with your thoughts, feelings and choices - and there are no real textbooks for being present. It’s something we all have to practice and learn, practice and learn, practice some more and learn some more.
• Being "conscious" means being honest - with yourself and with others - about your current thoughts and feelings.
• Being "conscious" is when you ask the question: "What thoughts, words and actions should I choose right now that will keep me in the highest integrity with who I AM and what I’m here to do?"
• We often seek validation through our relationships; being "conscious" is when I know who I am, what I’m here to do, and I know that I’m okay, no matter what another person says about me.
• We don’t know the answers for tomorrow; we have to let each day build on itself.
• We are ALL still working it out.
• There’s a danger in creating a label of what "conscious" should or should not look like, sound like or feel like. Each person’s process of waking up, and how they express themselves through that process is unique.
• This is not a black-and-white kind of deal. It’s not being either conscious or unconscious in your life. It’s a path and a journey along the continuum from less conscious and more conscious.
• Somehow "conscious" has come to focus more on the Feminine energy. We must remember to celebrate BOTH the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine in each of us.
• Both the Masculine and the Feminine energies are essential to our existence - one may be more dominant, but they’re BOTH important.
• A "conscious" man who acknowledges and embraces his Feminine energy is no less of a man - he’s actually more of a balanced man.
• A conscious relationship can happen when both partners allow for a graceful dance between expressing their Masculine and Feminine energies.
• We women have to learn how to lovingly honor our men’s need to BE men!

My conclusion? Men who are firmly committed to the path of "waking up" and becoming more conscious are incredibly fun, gorgeous, sexy human beings!

Thank you Tom & Chet!

Welcome to my blog site, so nice of you to drop by! As I learn about all the ins and outs of this amazing technology this site will grow.

So please subscribe - either by email updates, or by RSS feed. (Hint: if you’re like me until recently, and don’t know what an RSS feed is, subscribe to the email updates.) That way, you’ll get instant notification of new posts, new events, special announcements, and all the other great things this can do to keep us connected.

After all, that’s what this whole online thing is all about, right? We can be part of creating a community that spans the entire planet - something that we weren’t able to do in quite this way before. Ain’t technology grand?

There’s still no real substitute for face to face, eye to eye, or even voice to voice contact. But until we can wiggle our noses like Samantha on Bewitched, or do the Star Trek Beam Me Up thing, this is definitely the next best way to share, collaborate, and create a more compassionate world together.

Please come back often, read new posts, and share your comments and thoughts.

You can also use the Contact Me page to send me your thoughts and comments if you don’t want to post them publicly.

With Gratitude,

Laurie